You Always Hurt the Ones You Love (or, The Receiving Line Forms to the Left)

1) How hard?

2) Slap? For $1 Million? 
What do I get for a good solid punch?

3) Which part of the body?

4) What do I get for a poke? Rat tail? Tickling? 
Do I get a bonus if they wet themselves while being tickled?

5) Do I have to share the $1 Million with them?

6) Do they get to reciprocate?

7) Do I get less money if they enjoy it?

8) May I use... a herring?

9) Can I put it on YouTube and make money from advertising?

10) Only if I can kiss it and make it better afterwards.