A New Holiday Tradition! Year-End Bacchanal!

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You behave for 51 weeks of the year. 
You're responsible. 
You deal with the world and reality, adulting like a World War II veteran returned from the war.

You deserve to take the last week of the year off, and do whatever you want, as long as you don't hurt yourself, others, or commit any felonies.

That's right...the last week of the year is when you get to take a break and get your freak on! 

The Greeks called it a bacchanal, "an occasion of wild and drunken revelry." Drinking, sex, naughty behavior...in short, Adult Fun.

The rules are simple... you start, the earliest, on Christmas Eve, and end, the latest, on New Year's Day. You (and any partners) determine when... maybe it's when you leave work, or it's after Midnight Mass, or when you start unwrapping presents (which might actually contain items to be used during the bacchanal week!)

Of course, set up safewords, parameters, roles, allergies, and emergency data.

You may spend that week by yourself, cocooned from all the hype and stress of the holidays. You don't have to spend the entire week being naughty...it's fine to do it just a few days. (Christmas Eve and New Year's are common.) You may also take naps and other breaks during the week-long bacchanal if you so desire. The week is to be stress and drama free, so that when you return to reality and responsibility, you feel recharged and ready!

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Never Underestimate The Power Of Soup!

1) Joseph Campbell's Soup 

2) Kinda Chewie.

3) Never underestimate the power of soup!

4) This is what happens when a Wookie loses....

5) "YOU IDIOT! His face was supposed to go on the cans of Alpo!"

6) I hope this tastes better than that C-3POs cereal...

7) Next month, Spaghetti-Yodas! 
(That was a joke... but... )
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8) [Insert GIF of Campbell Soup Kids cosplaying as Luke and Leia]

9)

10) Is this part of Abram's new cannin'?

11) Tastes like chicken!

12) Gormaanda has some amazing recipes...

13) It's a good thing Chewie's son is named "Lumpy" and not "Chunky"!

14) Too bad Andy Warhol never painted "Star Wars"...

15) Wait until you see whose picture is on the Cream of Shrimp cans!

Thank you. You're too kind. I'll be here all week. Try the Bantha Surprise.

You Always Hurt the Ones You Love (or, The Receiving Line Forms to the Left)

1) How hard?

2) Slap? For $1 Million? 
What do I get for a good solid punch?

3) Which part of the body?

4) What do I get for a poke? Rat tail? Tickling? 
Do I get a bonus if they wet themselves while being tickled?

5) Do I have to share the $1 Million with them?

6) Do they get to reciprocate?

7) Do I get less money if they enjoy it?

8) May I use... a herring?

9) Can I put it on YouTube and make money from advertising?

10) Only if I can kiss it and make it better afterwards.

Top Ten Reasons to Wear a Turtleneck Top

Top Ten reasons to wear a turtle neck:

10. Your Nehru jacket is being dry-cleaned.

9. To hide your tattoo sleeves when being interviewed for a teaching position involving impressionable youngsters.

8. To hide the hickeys on your neck, arms, shoulders, and more embarrassing areas.

7. Because they are almost as sexy as cashmere sweaters (sexier if it's an actual dress), more form fitting, and easier to wash.

6. Because, in cold weather, you can unroll the neck and use it as a muffler.

5. It's a utilitarian piece of clothing, suitable for fancy dress as well as casual.

4. They come in a variety of colors and textures. If that's too boring, they can be tie-dyed and still look cool.

3. Because it's fun to tell non-Aussies you like wearing skivvies in public! But not with thongs.

2. Add glasses to a black turtleneck, and people will think you are intelligent, and invite you on talk shows.

1. Pair a black turtleneck with black trousers, and you're an art student, a stagehand, a cat burglar, a beat poet, Steve Jobs, Audrey Hepburn...

Reaction Shots: Alien Abduction Bug Caused Male Pregnancies Among Men Who WooHoo-ed With Aliens In The Sims 4

Alien Abduction Bug Caused Male Pregnancies Among Men Who WooHoo-ed With Aliens In The Sims 4

Apparently, the Get to Work expansion contained a bug that started a more than usual amount of alien abductions. Alien abduction is an intentional feature, but they weren’t supposed to start happening all over the place. Once that started, male Sims suddenly started getting pregnant right and left, through no control from the players. What’s intriguing is that a lot of players thought this was really cool! Apparently, there’s already a male pregnancy mod for The Sims 4; but suddenly, lots of people with male Sims wanted to get them knocked up! Even other Sims players in other games wanted to get in on the action, wondering why their male Sims couldn’t get pregnant.

[Via Kotaku.] 
 

1. Bacchanalia, or Bonk-An-Alien?

2. When you WooHoo with a WhatzIt, you should expect to be expecting.

3. [Insert anal probe joke here.]    }]

4. So... what's the delivery like?

5. The baby has your eyes, and the alien's mandibles.

6. "I should have realized something when she dimmed the lights and played 'Binary Sunset' on the stereo."

7. "I don't think this long distance relationship will work."

8. "I get the strangest cravings..."

9. "If it's a girl, we'll name it 'Edie'. If it's a boy, we'll name it 'Ripley'."

10. "I always wanted a natural childbirth, but this time, I think I'll have a cesarean."

11. Your pregnancy will last about nine months, or 22 years if you're on Saturn. 

12. The blood type of your baby? AB Normal. 

13. "I should have suspected something when the alien looked like a seahorse."

14. "So... this cute curvy green woman dressed as a Martian picks me up at Comic-Con, asking me, 'Can I get directions to Uranus?'"

15. "Maybe I shouldn't have played the theme to Star Trek on my car stereo when we were making out next to the observatory. Next time, Led Zeppelin IV."

16. "Geez... one night of hot passionate sex, and then...nothing. No phone calls, no text messages. Nothing."

17. "Everytime I see Doctor Who's sonic screwdriver, I have flashbacks."

18. First symptom: Twilight sickness.

19. "No, the baby isn't kicking, but every so often, it mindmelds with me."

20. HIja', 'oH maw' 'ach tlhIngan nga'chuq reH Daghaj vISov ghegh tender 'ej SeQ!

Reaction Shots: Dog Kit

1. Do NOT attempt this yoga pose.

2. Ikea's new line of household pets, Løbo

3. I wonder what he's dreaming about. 

4. "Man! That was an awesome fireworks display! Hey, where's Rex?" 

5. The Thing cosplay. 

6. I will name him Collagen, and I will hug him and pet him and squeeze him... 

7.The kids wanted a dog for Christmas, but I waited until Christmas Eve before assembling. 

8. I wanted to call him "Wrecks", but my girlfriend suggested "Stay". 

9. Oops! The DNA is supposed to spiral to the RIGHT. 

10. Honey! I told you that dog kennel was too small!

11. When you feed your dog too much protein.

Jealousy