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Friday, January 5, 2018

Once Again, Wile E. Coyote Touches the Face of God...


A friend posted this image to Facebook, and I got to wondering...
Normally, the rocket would explode, like Macy's Fourth of July fireworks, or Wile E. would crash into the earth, leaving a giant crater, or, if the animator is really cruel, Wile E. would stand up, unscathed, count his blessings, and then the crushed rocket would explode, obliterating Wile E. with a small mushroom cloud. Or hurtling him skyward, most likely to fall back into the blazing inferno. 

The longer I looked at this image, the more I realized... if that rocket doesn't explode (and normally, it would do so at about 2000 feet), then most likely the following will occur:
  1. A rocket need only travel about 25,000 mph to escape the Earth's gravity. But that's unlikely for Wile E., even with cartoon physics. At the very least, all that would remain is his skeleton, and even that would be scattered to the winds unless strapped to the rocket. 
  2. A cannonball has an initial speed of about 225 mph. Unprotected humans can stand about 150 mph, as seen at various roller coasters. A cartoon coyote? Certainly he can handle higher speeds. However, if he has pierced the cloud layer, then he's in commercial airspace, where breathing becomes difficult. (It's already difficult to breathe if you're travelling at a high velocity.)  So, most likely, if he doesn't hit a commercial airliner, he'll probably asphyxiate. Depending on the altitude, his body might be cremated due to air friction as it returns to Earth. Or it's obliterated upon landfall. (Height of 5500 meters, 20 kg coyote...  about 325 mph, 1 million joules, without friction, but terminal velocity is about 200 mph.) 
  3. How much thrust is required to place a 20kg coyote that high in the atmosphere? Given the rocket pictured, what sort of propellant would be needed? Sputnik weighed 84kg, and that was scaled down due to the weakness of the R-7 rockets. The height of the rocket was 29 meters, and that was to place the satellite in an orbit 139 miles above the Earth. 
I'll leave it to scholars of physics to contemplate what variables would be required to create a coyote-shaped cookie-cutter hole upon impact, and how deep the resulting hole would be, given an average sample of geology in the American southwest.

Some other musings:
  • What if there were multiple coyotes? That is, each coyote dies or is incapacitated after each attempt to catch the Road Runner.
  • What if Wile E. Coyote, Super Genius, espied the nuclear testing occurring nearby? What if he actually contributed to research at Los Alamos during the War? (And later, at White Sands and Redstone, testing rocket design?)

Thursday, January 4, 2018

What is this?



The meteorological symbol for "polar vortex".

The dongle which keeps your Spirograph drawings from skipping.


The international symbol for "chastity".

(Note the iconic triangle with peehole.)

My new astrological sign.
(Single, 45, not wanted by most.)

A neo-nazi logo.

A guitar pick for a ukulele.

A computer cord organizer.

A really GROOVY symbol.

A "modern" paper clip from 1962.

A prototype IUD/diaphragm.

A "bullet" from a toy space gun.

Pew! Pew!

A radio station engineer's multi-tool.
(The toolkit also includes paper clips, rubber bands, chewing gum, and a razor blade.)

Ancient Calumbrian throwing weapon, c.500 B.C.

A stencil for a cookie dough press, to make Paprikkenjappen. (mmmmm...) 


The international symbol for "Yes, the two media formats are technologically similar, but you will need to purchase an additional adapter to make them compatible."


Tuesday, September 26, 2017

Never Underestimate The Power Of Soup!


1) Joseph Campbell's Soup 

2) Kinda Chewie.

3) Never underestimate the power of soup!

4) This is what happens when a Wookie loses....

5) "YOU IDIOT! His face was supposed to go on the cans of Alpo!"

6) I hope this tastes better than that C-3POs cereal...

7) Next month, Spaghetti-Yodas! 
(That was a joke... but... )
.

8) [Insert GIF of Campbell Soup Kids cosplaying as Luke and Leia]

9)
10) Is this part of Abram's new cannin'?

11) Tastes like chicken!

12) Gormaanda has some amazing recipes...

13) It's a good thing Chewie's son is named "Lumpy" and not "Chunky"!

14) Too bad Andy Warhol never painted "Star Wars"...

15) Wait until you see whose picture is on the Cream of Shrimp cans!

Thank you. You're too kind. I'll be here all week. Try the Bantha Surprise.

Saturday, June 17, 2017

You Always Hurt the Ones You Love (or, The Receiving Line Forms to the Left)


1) How hard?

2) Slap? For $1 Million? 

What do I get for a good solid punch?

3) Which part of the body?


4) What do I get for a poke? Rat tail? Tickling? 

Do I get a bonus if they wet themselves while being tickled?

5) Do I have to share the $1 Million with them?


6) Do they get to reciprocate?


7) Do I get less money if they enjoy it?


8) May I use... a herring?


9) Can I put it on YouTube and make money from advertising?


10) Only if I can kiss it and make it better afterwards.


Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Top Ten Reasons to Wear a Turtleneck Top

Top Ten reasons to wear a turtle neck:

10. Your Nehru jacket is being dry-cleaned.
9. To hide your tattoo sleeves when being interviewed for a teaching position involving impressionable youngsters.

8. To hide the hickeys on your neck, arms, shoulders, and more embarrassing areas.


7. Because they are almost as sexy as cashmere sweaters (sexier if it's an actual dress), more form fitting, and easier to wash.


6. Because, in cold weather, you can unroll the neck and use it as a muffler.


5. It's a utilitarian piece of clothing, suitable for fancy dress as well as casual.


4. They come in a variety of colors and textures. If that's too boring, they can be tie-dyed and still look cool.


3. Because it's fun to tell non-Aussies you like wearing skivvies in public! But not with thongs.


2. Add glasses to a black turtleneck, and people will think you are intelligent, and invite you on talk shows.


1. Pair a black turtleneck with black trousers, and you're an art student, a stagehand, a cat burglar, a beat poet, Steve Jobs, Audrey Hepburn...

Tuesday, May 2, 2017

Reaction Shots: Alien Abduction Bug Caused Male Pregnancies Among Men Who WooHoo-ed With Aliens In The Sims 4

Alien Abduction Bug Caused Male Pregnancies Among Men Who WooHoo-ed With Aliens In The Sims 4

Apparently, the Get to Work expansion contained a bug that started a more than usual amount of alien abductions. Alien abduction is an intentional feature, but they weren’t supposed to start happening all over the place. Once that started, male Sims suddenly started getting pregnant right and left, through no control from the players. What’s intriguing is that a lot of players thought this was really cool! Apparently, there’s already a male pregnancy mod for The Sims 4; but suddenly, lots of people with male Sims wanted to get them knocked up! Even other Sims players in other games wanted to get in on the action, wondering why their male Sims couldn’t get pregnant.
[Via Kotaku.
 
1. Bacchanalia, or Bonk-An-Alien?

2. When you WooHoo with a WhatzIt, you should expect to be expecting.

3. [Insert anal probe joke here.]    }]

4. So... what's the delivery like?

5. The baby has your eyes, and the alien's mandibles.

6. "I should have realized something when she dimmed the lights and played 'Binary Sunset' on the stereo."

7. "I don't think this long distance relationship will work."

8. "I get the strangest cravings..."

9. "If it's a girl, we'll name it 'Edie'. If it's a boy, we'll name it 'Ripley'."

10. "I always wanted a natural childbirth, but this time, I think I'll have a cesarean."

11. Your pregnancy will last about nine months, or 22 years if you're on Saturn. 

12. The blood type of your baby? AB Normal. 

13. "I should have suspected something when the alien looked like a seahorse."

14. "So... this cute curvy green woman dressed as a Martian picks me up at Comic-Con, asking me, 'Can I get directions to Uranus?'"

15. "Maybe I shouldn't have played the theme to Star Trek on my car stereo when we were making out next to the observatory. Next time, Led Zeppelin IV."

16. "Geez... one night of hot passionate sex, and then...nothing. No phone calls, no text messages. Nothing."

17. "Everytime I see Doctor Who's sonic screwdriver, I have flashbacks."

18. First symptom: Twilight sickness.

19. "No, the baby isn't kicking, but every so often, it mindmelds with me."

20. HIja', 'oH maw' 'ach tlhIngan nga'chuq reH Daghaj vISov ghegh tender 'ej SeQ!

Monday, May 1, 2017

Reaction Shots: Dog Kit


1. Do NOT attempt this yoga pose.

2. Ikea's new line of household pets, Løbo

3. I wonder what he's dreaming about. 

4. "Man! That was an awesome fireworks display! Hey, where's Rex?" 

5. The Thing cosplay. 

6. I will name him Collagen, and I will hug him and pet him and squeeze him... 

7.The kids wanted a dog for Christmas, but I waited until Christmas Eve before assembling. 

8. I wanted to call him "Wrecks", but my girlfriend suggested "Stay". 

9. Oops! The DNA is supposed to spiral to the RIGHT. 

10. Honey! I told you that dog kennel was too small!

11. When you feed your dog too much protein.