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Thursday, March 2, 2017

How I Maintain My Boyish Good Looks

1) A magical Polaroid photo is kept in a safe deposit box somewhere in the State of Iowa.

2) I slumber in a giant Tupperware container each night.

3) I use a special facial creme made of baby oil. (To answer your question: it takes four to make one ounce of oil.)

4) I found this cool meteorite/jewel on my grandfather's farm. I noticed something strange when the cows who licked it didn't age...

5) You know that Lazarus Pit? I have something similar, but it's a hot tub in the mountains, and requires a full moon, a meteor shower, a willing partner, and a bottle of champagne. (The champagne is optional.)

6) I have a twin who travels reallly slow
llllly through space in a Schrödinger box. I don't know if he's alive or dead, and he doesn't know if I'm alive or dead.

7) It's quite simple... you just need a particle accelerator, rubber bands, and a liquid lunch.

8) I have this ring... it's really cool, but I can only wear it once a year, for only a few minutes.

9) I once spent the night with a Japanese mermaid. I solved the Mermaid Problem for her, and she was quite grateful. (Ever since, I've had this thing for pickled ginger and sushi...)

10) There's this ritual involving the Konami Code...

11) I've mastered every cell of my body. As each cell stops dividing, it's replaced with a cancer cell, kept under strict control.

12) My soul jar is currently a plastic bag floating in the Great Pacific Garbage Patch. Eventually, it will be reduced to plastic dust particles which will be dispersed by ocean currents, making it very impervious to total destruction.

13) One word: "responsometer".

The exploded view of the blivet, which holds the FischerGriess compensator. 

14) I keep myself perpetually youthful by drinking the crushed spirits of frustrated gamers.

15) It's quite easy...just find a menstruating dragon.

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

#ForgottenTVLyrics: The Master List

The list (so far):
  1. The A*Team [full theme]
  2. Alfred Hitchcock Presents [Charles Gounod - Funeral March of a Marionette]
  3. Alice ["There's a New Girl in Town"]
  4. All in the Family
    • Full lyrics
    • A satirical version, aimed at the FCC!
    • All In The Family [closing theme]
    • All In The Family [closing theme with lyrics!]
  5. American Bandstand
  6. The Andy Griffith Show
  7. Angie ["Different Worlds"]
  8. Batman
  9. Baretta (Keep Your Eye on the Sparrow)
  10. Barnaby Jones
  11. Baywatch
    • Original theme ["Save Me" - Peter Cetera]
    • Syndication ["I'm Always Here"- Jimi Jamison]
    • Baywatch Hawaii "Let Me Be the One" written and performed by Carlos Villalobos, Glenn Medeiros and sung by Fiji.
    • Baywatch Nights [Alfonzo Blackwell - The Nights Will Never Be the Same]
  12. Beverly Hillbillies [The full music has a third stanza about Drysdale]
  13. Beverly Hills 90210
  14. Bewitched
  15. The Big Bang Theory
  16. The Bill Cosby Show ["Hikky Burr"]
  17. Bonanza
  18. Buck Rogers in the 25th Century
  19. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
  20. Candid Camera (UK)
  21. Charlie's Angels####
  22. Charmed [Love Spit Love - "How Soon is Now"]
  23. Checkmate
  24. Cheers
    • My Kind of People
    • Another Day
    • original demo
    • Final Version
    • Prost, Helmut! [The German version]
    • Cheers (Versión española)
  25. Chip 'n Dale: Rescue Rangers
  26. CHiPS [theme only, but a rockin' 12" version]
  27. The Cosby Show [Seven different versions]
  28. Dallas
  29. Davy Crockett
  30. The Days and Nights of Molly Dodd [full theme?]
  31. DC Superhero Girls
  32. The Dick Van Dyke Show
  33. Diff'rent Strokes
  34. Dr. Kildare
  35. Duck Tales 
  36. The Dukes of Hazzard
  37. Dynasty
  38. The Facts of Life
  39. The Fall Guy
  40. Family Feud
  41. Family Matters ["As days go by" - Jesse Frederick
  42. Family Ties ["Without Us"]
  43. Fawlty Towers
  44. Fireball XL5
  45. Flo
  46. Frasier ["Tossed Salads and Scrambled Eggs"]
  47. Friends [The Rembrandts - I'll Be There For You ]
  48. The Fugitive
  49. Full House
  50. Fuller House [Everywhere You Look - Carly Rae Jepsen]
  51. Funny Face / The Sandy Duncan Show [Need a source!]
  53. Futurama
  54. Gidget [Johnny Tillotson - (Wait 'Til You See) My Gidget]
  55. Gilmore Girls [Carole King - "Where You Lead"]
  56. Good Times 4:14 version ####
  57. The Golden Girls
  58. The Greatest American Hero
  59. Disney's Gummi Bears
  60. Gunsmoke
  61. Happy Days [alternate lyrics]
  62. Have Gun Will Travel
  63. Hawaii Five-0
  64. HBO 1983 Intro
    You can watch a documentary on the creation here!
  1. Here Come the Brides ["Seattle" by Bobby Sherman]
  2. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy [The Eagles - Journey of the Sorcerer]
  3. The Hogan Family [Roberta Flack - Together Through The Years]
  4. Hogan's Heroes
  5. The Honeymooners ["You're My Greatest Love"]
  6. Hotel
  7. House
    • "Teardrop" by Massive Attack (U.S.)
    • "House" by Scott Donaldson and Richard Nolan (Europe)
    • "House, M.D. Main Theme" by Jon Ehrlich and Leigh Roberts (Singapore and Netflix) ####
  8. I Dream of Jeannie
  9. I Love Lucy
  10. I Spy
  11. It Takes A Thief
  12. Jeopardy!
    • 1964-1975 "Take Ten" by Julann Griffin ####
    • 1984-1991
    • 1991-1997
    • 1997-2001
    • 2001-2008
    • 2008-Present
  13. Joannie Loves Chachi
  14. The Joker's Wild
  15. Kim Possible
  16. Knot's Landing ###
  17. Kojak
  18. Land of the Giants
  19. Laverne & Shirley (Making Our Dreams Come True)
  20. The Lawrence Welk Show
  21. Leave It To Beaver (The Toy Parade)
  22. Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous
  24. Living Dolls [Who's The Boss spin-off]
  25. The Love Boat
  26. Looney Tunes ["The Merry-Go-Round Broke Down"]
  27. Lost In Space
  28. M Squad [Count Bassie!]
  29. The Magician
  30. Makin' It
  31. Malcolm in the Middle
  32. The Man from U.N.C.L.E. [I need a source!]
  34. Mannix
  35. Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman
  36. The Mary Tyler Moore Show
    • First Season
    • Second Season
    • Joan Jett version, all three stanzas, third stanza rewritten
  37. M*A*S*H
  38. Masterpiece Theater [Rondeau from Sinfonies de Fanfares - Suite de Symphonies - Jean-Joseph Mouret]
  39. Maude
  40. Merrie Melodies [Merrily We Roll Along [I need a source!]
    LT116: Billboard Frolics by dannyjmurray1 The first appearance in a Warner Brothers cartoon. Are these the original lyrics?
  42. Miami Vice
  43. Mission: Impossible
  44. Mr. Belvedere
  45. Mister Lucky
  46. The Mod Squad [cover]
  47. The Monkees
  48. Moonlighting
  49. The Munsters
  50. My Favorite Martian [Are the words legit? Or added later?]
  51. My Living Doll [colorized, legitimate lyrics?]
  52. The Naked City
    • "This is the Naked City" by George Duning (1958-59)
    • --
    • "Somewhere in the Night" by Billy May (1960-62)
    • "The {New} Naked City Theme" by Nelson Riddle (1962-63)
  53. Name of the Game
  54. NBC Mystery Movie
  55. NBC Nightly News [John Williams - "The Mission"]
  56. NCIS
  57. Newhart###
  58. The Odd Couple
  59. One Life To Live [1984-1991, Peabo Bryson]
  60. One Life to Live ["Brand New Start"]
  61. One Saturday Morning
  62. Peter Gunn 
    • Original theme
    • ["Bye-Bye", lyrics added later]
  63. Perfect Strangers
  64. Petticoat Junction
  65. Phineas and Ferb ["Today Is Gonna Be a Great Day"]
  66. Playboy After Dark ["Playboy's Theme"]
  67. Punky Brewster ["Every Time I Turn Around"]
  68. Rawhide
  69. Red Dwarf
  70. Remington Steele
  71. The Rockford Files
  72. Route 66
    • original theme
    • Lyrics added later
  73. St. Elsewhere
  74. Sanford & Son ["The Streetbeater"]
  75. Sesamstrasse [German]
    • Opening
    • Closing [One of my fave beats! Those horns!]
  76. Sesame Street
    • Opening
    • Closing
    • ...and the "funky chimes"!
  77. Silver Spoons ["Together"]
  78. The Sopranos [Alabama 3 - Woke Up This Morning (Chosen One)]
  79. Space 1999
  80. Square Pegs
  81. Star Trek
  82. Star Trek: The Next Generation [originally from "Star Trek: The Motion Picture"]
  83. Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
  84. Star Trek: Voyager
  85. Star Trek: Enterprise
  86. The Streets of San Francisco
  87. Stephen Universe
  88. S.W.A.T.
  89. TaleSpin
  90. Taxi ["Angela"]
  91. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
    • Original theme (1987-1996)
    • 2003-2009
    • 2012-present
  92. That 70s Show [Big Star - In the Street 1972]
  93. Tic Tac Dough
  94. The Time Tunnel
  95. To Tell The Truth
  96. The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson
    • Toot Sweet
    • It's Really Love
    • Johnny's Theme
  97. 21 Jump Street
  98. The Waltons
  99. Welcome Back Kotter
  100. What's Happening!!
  101. Wheel of Fortune Theme 1975-1983
  102. Who's The Boss? ["Brand New Life"]
  103. The Wizard of Odds
  104. WKRP in Cincinnati
  105. Wonder Woman

  • Ironsides [theme only]
  • The Untouchables [theme only]

  • The Rogues [the previous four are by Nelson Riddle]

  • Tic Tac Dough (1990 version)

  • Ripley's Believe It or Not [All by Henry Mancini]
  • Game Shows!
  • John Williams (NBC News, Olympics, Amazing Stories)
  • disco versions of Good Times and Soul Train?

  • John Williams
  • NBC Sunday Night Football[5]
  • Amazing Stories
  • Checkmate (TV series)
  • Land of the Giants
  • Lost in Space
  • The Time Tunnel
  • The Tammy Grimes Show[6]
  • The theme for Great Performances

  • John w