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Thursday, March 2, 2017

How I Maintain My Boyish Good Looks


1) A magical Polaroid photo is kept in a safe deposit box somewhere in the State of Iowa.

2) I slumber in a giant Tupperware container each night.


3) I use a special facial creme made of baby oil. (To answer your question: it takes four to make one ounce of oil.)


4) I found this cool meteorite/jewel on my grandfather's farm. I noticed something strange when the cows who licked it didn't age...


5) You know that Lazarus Pit? I have something similar, but it's a hot tub in the mountains, and requires a full moon, a meteor shower, a willing partner, and a bottle of champagne. (The champagne is optional.)


6) I have a twin who travels reallly slow
llllly through space in a Schrödinger box. I don't know if he's alive or dead, and he doesn't know if I'm alive or dead.


7) It's quite simple... you just need a particle accelerator, rubber bands, and a liquid lunch.


8) I have this ring... it's really cool, but I can only wear it once a year, for only a few minutes.


9) I once spent the night with a Japanese mermaid. I solved the Mermaid Problem for her, and she was quite grateful. (Ever since, I've had this thing for pickled ginger and sushi...)


10) There's this ritual involving the Konami Code...


11) I've mastered every cell of my body. As each cell stops dividing, it's replaced with a cancer cell, kept under strict control.

12) My soul jar is currently a plastic bag floating in the Great Pacific Garbage Patch. Eventually, it will be reduced to plastic dust particles which will be dispersed by ocean currents, making it very impervious to total destruction.

13) One word: "responsometer".

The exploded view of the blivet, which holds the FischerGriess compensator. 

14) I keep myself perpetually youthful by drinking the crushed spirits of frustrated gamers.

15) It's quite easy...just find a menstruating dragon.


Wednesday, March 1, 2017

#ForgottenTVLyrics: The Master List



The list (so far):
  1. The A*Team [full theme]
  2. Absolutely Fabulous
  3. Alfred Hitchcock Presents [Charles Gounod - Funeral March of a Marionette]
  4. Alice ["There's a New Girl in Town"]
  5. All in the Family
    • Full lyrics
    • A satirical version, aimed at the FCC!
    • All In The Family [closing theme]
    • All In The Family [closing theme with lyrics!]
  6. American Bandstand
  7. The Andy Griffith Show
  8. Angie ["Different Worlds"]
  9. Banacek
  10. Batman
  11. Baretta (Keep Your Eye on the Sparrow)
  12. Barnaby Jones
  13. Barney Miller
  14. Baywatch
    • Original theme ["Save Me" - Peter Cetera]
    • Syndication ["I'm Always Here"- Jimi Jamison]
    • Baywatch Hawaii "Let Me Be the One" written and performed by Carlos Villalobos, Glenn Medeiros and sung by Fiji.
    • Baywatch Nights [Alfonzo Blackwell - The Nights Will Never Be the Same]
  15. Beverly Hillbillies [The full music has a third stanza about Drysdale]
  16. Beverly Hills 90210
  17. Bewitched
  18. The Big Bang Theory
  19. The Bill Cosby Show ["Hikky Burr"]
  20. Bonanza
  21. Breaking Bad
  22. Buck Rogers in the 25th Century
  23. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
  24. Candid Camera (UK)
  25. The Carol Burnett Show Celebrity Sweepstakes
  26. Charlie's Angels
  27. Charmed [Love Spit Love - "How Soon is Now"]
  28. Checkmate
  29. Cheers
    • My Kind of People
    • Another Day
    • original demo
    • Final Version
    • Prost, Helmut! [The German version]
    • Cheers (Versión española)

  30. Chico and the Man
  31. Chip 'n Dale: Rescue Rangers
  32. CHiPS [theme only, but a rockin' 12" version]
  33. Combat!
  34. Community
  35. The Cosby Show [Seven different versions]
  36. Dallas
  37. The Dating Game
  38. Davy Crockett
  39. The Days and Nights of Molly Dodd [full theme?]
  40. DC Superhero Girls
  41. Deadwood
  42. The Diamond Head Game
  43. The Dick Van Dyke Show
  44. Diff'rent Strokes
  45. Dr. Kildare
  46. Downton Abbey
  47. Duck Tales
  48. Duck Tales (2017)
  49. The Dukes of Hazzard
  50. Dynasty
  51. Ellen [Texas - So Called Friend]
  52. The Facts of Life
  53. The Fall Guy
  54. Family Feud
  55. Family Guy
  56. Family Matters ["As days go by" - Jesse Frederick
  57. Family Ties ["Without Us"]
  58. Fawlty Towers
  59. Felicity
  60. Fireball XL5
  61. Flo
  62. Forsyte Saga [Eric Coates - The Three Elizabeths Suite - Halcyon Days]
  63. Frasier ["Tossed Salads and Scrambled Eggs"]
  64. Friends [The Rembrandts - I'll Be There For You ]
  65. The Fugitive
  66. Full House
  67. Fuller House [Everywhere You Look - Carly Rae Jepsen]
  68. Funny Face / The Sandy Duncan Show [Need a source!]
  69. https://www.discogs.com/Jack-Jones-The-Kind-Of-Girl-She-Is/release/6913129
  70. Futurama
  71. Gidget [Johnny Tillotson - (Wait 'Til You See) My Gidget]
  72. Gilmore Girls [Carole King - "Where You Lead"]
  73. Good Times  https://www.discogs.com/Prime-Time-Good-Times-Theme/release/2156410 4:14 version ####
  74. The Golden Girls
  75. The Greatest American Hero
  76. Disney's Gummi Bears
  77. Gunsmoke
  78. Happy Days [alternate lyrics]
  79. Hart to Hart
  80. Have Gun Will Travel
  81. Hawaii Five-0
  82. HBO 1983 Intro
  83. You can watch a documentary on the creation here!
  84. Here Come the Brides ["Seattle" by Bobby Sherman]
  85. Hill Street Blues
  86. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy [The Eagles - Journey of the Sorcerer]
  87. The Hogan Family [Roberta Flack - Together Through The Years]
  88. Hogan's Heroes
  89. The Honeymooners ["You're My Greatest Love"]
  90. Hotel
  91. House

    • "Teardrop" by Massive Attack (U.S.)
    • "House" by Scott Donaldson and Richard Nolan (Europe)
    • "House, M.D. Main Theme" by Jon Ehrlich and Leigh Roberts (Singapore and Netflix) ####
  92. Howdy Doody
  93. I Dream of Jeannie
  94. I Love Lucy
  95. I Spy
  96. The Incredible Hulk: The Lonely Man Theme
  97. Ironsides
  98. It Takes A Thief
  99. Jeopardy!

    • 1964-1975 "Take Ten" by Julann Griffin ####
    • 1984-1991
    • 1991-1997
    • 1997-2001
    • 2001-2008
    • 2008-Present
  100. Joannie Loves Chachi
  101. The Joker's Wild
  102. Kim Possible
  103. Knot's Landing ###
  104. Kojak (Second theme)
  105. Kojak (First theme)
  106. Kojak (Third theme-Fifth Season)
  107. L. A. Law
  108. Land of the Giants
  109. Laugh-In
  110. Laverne & Shirley (Making Our Dreams Come True)
  111. Law and Order
  112. The Lawrence Welk Show
  113. Leave It To Beaver (The Toy Parade)
  114. Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous
  115. http://www.classicthemes.com/50sTVThemes/themePages/lifestylesRichFamous.html
  116. Living Dolls [Who's The Boss spin-off]
  117. The Love Boat
  118. Looney Tunes ["The Merry-Go-Round Broke Down"]
  119. Lost In Space
  120. M Squad [Count Bassie!]
  121. Mad About You ["Final Frontier"]
  122. Mad Men
  123. The Magician
  124. Magnum, P.I.
  125. Makin' It
  126. Malcolm in the Middle
  127. The Man from U.N.C.L.E. [I need a source!]
  128. http://markssuperblog.blogspot.com/2012/04/man-from-uncle-theme-has-lyrics.html
  129. Mannix
  130. Marcus Welby, M.D.
  131. Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman
  132. The Mary Tyler Moore Show

    • First Season
    • Second Season
    • Joan Jett version, all three stanzas, third stanza rewritten


  133. M*A*S*H
  134. Masterpiece Theater [Rondeau from Sinfonies de Fanfares - Suite de Symphonies - Jean-Joseph Mouret]
  135. Maude
  136. Merrie Melodies [Merrily We Roll Along [I need a source!]
  137. https://www.discogs.com/Bugs-Bunny-With-Mitch-Miller-His-Orchestra-Merrily-We-Roll-Along-I-Taut-I-Taw-A-Puddy-Tat/release/2834101
    LT116: Billboard Frolics by dannyjmurray1 The first appearance in a Warner Brothers cartoon. Are these the original lyrics?
  138. Miami Vice
  139. Millennium
  140. Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Cat Noir
  141. Mission: Impossible
  142. Mr. Belvedere
  143. Mister Lucky
  144. The Mod Squad [cover]
  145. The Monkees
  146. Moonlighting
  147. The Munsters
  148. My Favorite Martian [Are the words legit? Or added later?]
  149. My Living Doll [colorized, legitimate lyrics?]
  150. The Naked City

    • "This is the Naked City" by George Duning (1958-59)
    • "Somewhere in the Night" by Billy May (1960-62)
    • "The {New} Naked City Theme" by Nelson Riddle (1962-63)
  151. Name of the Game
  152. NBC Mystery Movie
  153. NBC Nightly News [John Williams - "The Mission"]
  154. NCIS
  155. Newhart###
  156. Newlywed Game
  157. Night Court
  158. Now You See It ["Chump Change" by Quincy Jones]
  159. NYPD Blue
  160. The Odd Couple
  161. \
  162. One Foot in the Grave
  163. One Life To Live [1984-1991, Peabo Bryson]
  164. One Life to Live ["Brand New Start"]
  165. One Saturday Morning
  166. Once and Again
  167. Pee-wee's Playhouse
  168. Peter Gunn 

    • Original theme
    • ["Bye-Bye", lyrics added later]
  169. Perfect Strangers
  170. Petticoat Junction
  171. Phineas and Ferb ["Today Is Gonna Be a Great Day"]
  172. Playboy After Dark ["Playboy's Theme"]
  173. Popeye
  174. Punky Brewster ["Every Time I Turn Around"]
  175. Rawhide
  176. Red Dwarf
  177. Remington Steele
  178. The Ren & Stimpy Show
  179. Renegade
  180. Richie Brockelman, Private Eye
  181. Riptide
  182. The Rockford Files
  183. Roseanne
  184. Route 66

    • original theme
    • Lyrics added later

  185. St. Elsewhere
  186. Sanford & Son ["The Streetbeater"]
  187. Saturday Night Live - Closing Theme (A Waltz in A)
  188. Seinfeld
  189. Sesamstrasse [German]
    • Opening
    • Closing [One of my fave beats! Those horns!]
  190. Sesame Street

    • Opening
    • Closing
    • ...and the "funky chimes"!

  191. Silk Stalkings
  192. Silver Spoons ["Together"]
  193. Simon & Simon
  194. Six Million Dollar Man ["Wine Women and War"]
  195. Smallville [Remy Zero - Save Me]
  196. Soap
  197. The Sopranos [Alabama 3 - Woke Up This Morning (Chosen One)]
  198. Space 1999
  199. Square Pegs
  200. Star Trek
  201. Star Trek: The Next Generation [originally from "Star Trek: The Motion Picture"]
  202. Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
  203. Star Trek: Voyager
  204. Star Trek: Enterprise
  205. The Streets of San Francisco
  206. Stephen Universe
  207. S.W.A.T.
  208. TaleSpin
  209. Taxi ["Angela"]
  210. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
    • Original theme (1987-1996)
    • 2003-2009
    • 2012-present
  211. Texas Wheelers [John Prine - Illegal Smile]
  212. That 70s Show [Big Star - In the Street 1972]
  213. thirtysomething
  214. Tic Tac Dough
  215. The Time Tunnel
  216. To Tell The Truth
  217. The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson

    • Toot Sweet
    • It's Really Love
    • Johnny's Theme
  218. 21 Jump Street
  219. Vega$
  220. The Waltons
  221. Welcome Back Kotter
  222. What's Happening!!
  223. Wheel of Fortune Theme 1975-1983
  224. White Shadow
  225. Who's The Boss? ["Brand New Life"]
  226. Wild Wild West
  227. The Wizard of Odds
  228. WKRP in Cincinnati
  229. Wonder Woman
  230. X-Files
  231. "The Young and the Restless" (Nadia's Theme)
-----------------------------------------------------------
Future reference


  • The Untouchables [theme only]


  • The Rogues [by Nelson Riddle]


  • Tic Tac Dough (1990 version)

  • Ripley's Believe It or Not [by Henry Mancini]
  • Game Shows!  https://www.discogs.com/Various-Classic-TV-Game-Show-Themes/release/487454
  • https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pete_Rugolo#Film_and_TV_Scores
  • https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bill_Conti#Other_film_and_television_credits
  • https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jerrold_Immel
  • https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dick_DeBenedictis
  • https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mike_Post
  • https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_Conlan
  • John Williams (NBC News, Olympics, Amazing Stories)
  • https://www.discogs.com/Prime-Time-Good-Times-Theme/release/624111 disco versions of Good Times and Soul Train?
  • https://www.discogs.com/Prime-Time-Motown-Presents-Prime-Time-Performing-TV-Themes-The-Way-You-Like-To-Hear-Them/release/1677555

  • John Williams
  • NBC Sunday Night Football[5]
  • Amazing Stories
  • Checkmate (TV series)
  • Land of the Giants
  • Lost in Space
  • The Time Tunnel
  • The Tammy Grimes Show[6]
  • The theme for Great Performances
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Primetime_Emmy_Award_for_Outstanding_Main_Title_Theme_Music
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Top-rated_United_States_television_programs_by_season
  • https://www.discogs.com/Chuck-Barris-Themes-From-TV-Game-Shows/release/493124
  • https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wagon_Train#Theme_music