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Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Top Ten List: Ways to Greet Your Boss

This morning at work, on my way to get my first cup of tea for the day, I happened to pass my boss' boss (the department director), chatting with one of our masters of marketing.

What I heard, obliquely, was her talking about how others addressed her. Thinking quickly, I reverted to Polite Mode (which, of course, I rarely use, since she's a great boss, and we're all rather informal in our department).

"Good morning, Ms. Allen," I said with a grin.

But then, as I waited for my tea to steep, I began to think... what could I have said? Thus, this list.

I'm posting this here, because that little voice inside my head thought this could be taken the right way, and why tempt the Fates of HR?


10.  "Yessir, Ms. Allen, SIR!" (clicks heels and salutes sharply)

9.  "Good Morning, Ms. Allen. I reserved a private table for your 1 PM lunch with Mr. Frankson at L'Arrogant Parisienne. I sent an email to your private account containing numerous embarrassing Facebook posts, as well as photos hacked from the Epsilon Aleph Zayn iCloud account, in case the conversation lags. Also, “Droobles” Frankson has an extreme allergy to licorice. Remember to look shocked and concerned if any law enforcement agents appear to speak with Mr. Frankson."

8.  "How ‘bout them Mets?"

7.  (Halts suddenly. Look of panic and shock. Smile suddenly. Back away slowly, maintaining smile and eye contact.)

6.  "Yeah, yeah, whatever."

5.  (We perform the “secret cheerleader handshake”, which involves elbow bumbs, jazzhands, and spirited doggerel.)

4.  "Heghlu’meHQaQ jajvam." / "  "

3.  "Hi, I’m Sten. Have we met?"

2.  (Nods to boss, walks into breakroom whistling "The Internationale".)

1.  "Hey, Toots."