A New Holiday Tradition! Year-End Bacchanal!

---

You behave for 51 weeks of the year. 
You're responsible. 
You deal with the world and reality, adulting like a World War II veteran returned from the war.

You deserve to take the last week of the year off, and do whatever you want, as long as you don't hurt yourself, others, or commit any felonies.

That's right...the last week of the year is when you get to take a break and get your freak on! 

The Greeks called it a bacchanal, "an occasion of wild and drunken revelry." Drinking, sex, naughty behavior...in short, Adult Fun.

The rules are simple... you start, the earliest, on Christmas Eve, and end, the latest, on New Year's Day. You (and any partners) determine when... maybe it's when you leave work, or it's after Midnight Mass, or when you start unwrapping presents (which might actually contain items to be used during the bacchanal week!)

Of course, set up safewords, parameters, roles, allergies, and emergency data.

You may spend that week by yourself, cocooned from all the hype and stress of the holidays. You don't have to spend the entire week being naughty...it's fine to do it just a few days. (Christmas Eve and New Year's are common.) You may also take naps and other breaks during the week-long bacchanal if you so desire. The week is to be stress and drama free, so that when you return to reality and responsibility, you feel recharged and ready!

---

Never Underestimate The Power Of Soup!

1) Joseph Campbell's Soup 

2) Kinda Chewie.

3) Never underestimate the power of soup!

4) This is what happens when a Wookie loses....

5) "YOU IDIOT! His face was supposed to go on the cans of Alpo!"

6) I hope this tastes better than that C-3POs cereal...

7) Next month, Spaghetti-Yodas! 
(That was a joke... but... )
.
8) [Insert GIF of Campbell Soup Kids cosplaying as Luke and Leia]

9)

10) Is this part of Abram's new cannin'?

11) Tastes like chicken!

12) Gormaanda has some amazing recipes...

13) It's a good thing Chewie's son is named "Lumpy" and not "Chunky"!

14) Too bad Andy Warhol never painted "Star Wars"...

15) Wait until you see whose picture is on the Cream of Shrimp cans!

Thank you. You're too kind. I'll be here all week. Try the Bantha Surprise.

You Always Hurt the Ones You Love (or, The Receiving Line Forms to the Left)

1) How hard?

2) Slap? For $1 Million? 
What do I get for a good solid punch?

3) Which part of the body?

4) What do I get for a poke? Rat tail? Tickling? 
Do I get a bonus if they wet themselves while being tickled?

5) Do I have to share the $1 Million with them?

6) Do they get to reciprocate?

7) Do I get less money if they enjoy it?

8) May I use... a herring?

9) Can I put it on YouTube and make money from advertising?

10) Only if I can kiss it and make it better afterwards.

Top Ten Reasons to Wear a Turtleneck Top

Top Ten reasons to wear a turtle neck:

10. Your Nehru jacket is being dry-cleaned.

9. To hide your tattoo sleeves when being interviewed for a teaching position involving impressionable youngsters.

8. To hide the hickeys on your neck, arms, shoulders, and more embarrassing areas.

7. Because they are almost as sexy as cashmere sweaters (sexier if it's an actual dress), more form fitting, and easier to wash.

6. Because, in cold weather, you can unroll the neck and use it as a muffler.

5. It's a utilitarian piece of clothing, suitable for fancy dress as well as casual.

4. They come in a variety of colors and textures. If that's too boring, they can be tie-dyed and still look cool.

3. Because it's fun to tell non-Aussies you like wearing skivvies in public! But not with thongs.

2. Add glasses to a black turtleneck, and people will think you are intelligent, and invite you on talk shows.

1. Pair a black turtleneck with black trousers, and you're an art student, a stagehand, a cat burglar, a beat poet, Steve Jobs, Audrey Hepburn...

Reaction Shots: Alien Abduction Bug Caused Male Pregnancies Among Men Who WooHoo-ed With Aliens In The Sims 4

Alien Abduction Bug Caused Male Pregnancies Among Men Who WooHoo-ed With Aliens In The Sims 4

Apparently, the Get to Work expansion contained a bug that started a more than usual amount of alien abductions. Alien abduction is an intentional feature, but they weren’t supposed to start happening all over the place. Once that started, male Sims suddenly started getting pregnant right and left, through no control from the players. What’s intriguing is that a lot of players thought this was really cool! Apparently, there’s already a male pregnancy mod for The Sims 4; but suddenly, lots of people with male Sims wanted to get them knocked up! Even other Sims players in other games wanted to get in on the action, wondering why their male Sims couldn’t get pregnant.

[Via Kotaku.] 
 

1. Bacchanalia, or Bonk-An-Alien?

2. When you WooHoo with a WhatzIt, you should expect to be expecting.

3. [Insert anal probe joke here.]    }]

4. So... what's the delivery like?

5. The baby has your eyes, and the alien's mandibles.

6. "I should have realized something when she dimmed the lights and played 'Binary Sunset' on the stereo."

7. "I don't think this long distance relationship will work."

8. "I get the strangest cravings..."

9. "If it's a girl, we'll name it 'Edie'. If it's a boy, we'll name it 'Ripley'."

10. "I always wanted a natural childbirth, but this time, I think I'll have a cesarean."

11. Your pregnancy will last about nine months, or 22 years if you're on Saturn. 

12. The blood type of your baby? AB Normal. 

13. "I should have suspected something when the alien looked like a seahorse."

14. "So... this cute curvy green woman dressed as a Martian picks me up at Comic-Con, asking me, 'Can I get directions to Uranus?'"

15. "Maybe I shouldn't have played the theme to Star Trek on my car stereo when we were making out next to the observatory. Next time, Led Zeppelin IV."

16. "Geez... one night of hot passionate sex, and then...nothing. No phone calls, no text messages. Nothing."

17. "Everytime I see Doctor Who's sonic screwdriver, I have flashbacks."

18. First symptom: Twilight sickness.

19. "No, the baby isn't kicking, but every so often, it mindmelds with me."

20. HIja', 'oH maw' 'ach tlhIngan nga'chuq reH Daghaj vISov ghegh tender 'ej SeQ!

Reaction Shots: Dog Kit

1. Do NOT attempt this yoga pose.

2. Ikea's new line of household pets, Løbo

3. I wonder what he's dreaming about. 

4. "Man! That was an awesome fireworks display! Hey, where's Rex?" 

5. The Thing cosplay. 

6. I will name him Collagen, and I will hug him and pet him and squeeze him... 

7.The kids wanted a dog for Christmas, but I waited until Christmas Eve before assembling. 

8. I wanted to call him "Wrecks", but my girlfriend suggested "Stay". 

9. Oops! The DNA is supposed to spiral to the RIGHT. 

10. Honey! I told you that dog kennel was too small!

11. When you feed your dog too much protein.

Jealousy

#ForgottenTVLyrics: Uncut Songs

---

This list contains TV themes which either did not broadcast the lyrics (like "Star Trek") or cut stanzas (like "Cheers"). 

---

1. Alice ["There's a New Girl in Town"]
2. All in the Family
• Full lyrics
• A satirical version, aimed at the FCC!
• All In The Family [closing theme]
All In The Family [closing theme with lyrics!]
3. American Bandstand
4. The Andy Griffith Show
5. Angie ["Different Worlds"]
6. Baretta (Keep Your Eye on the Sparrow)
7. Beverly Hillbillies [The full music has a third stanza about Drysdale]
8. Bewitched
9. The Big Bang Theory
10. Bonanza
11. Buck Rogers in the 25th Century
12. The Carol Burnett Show
13. Cheers
• My Kind of People
• Another Day
• original demo
• Final Version
• Prost, Helmut! [The German version]
• Cheers (Versión española)


14. Chico and the Man
15. Chip 'n Dale: Rescue Rangers
16. Combat!
17. Davy Crockett
18. DC Superhero Girls
19. The Dick Van Dyke Show
20. Diff'rent Strokes
21. Dr. Kildare
22. Duck Tales
23. The Dukes of Hazzard
24. Ellen [Texas - So Called Friend]
25. The Facts of Life
26. The Fall Guy
27. Family Guy
28. Family Matters ["As days go by" - Jesse Frederick
29. Family Ties ["Without Us"]
30. Fireball XL5
31. Flo
32. Frasier ["Tossed Salads and Scrambled Eggs"]
33. Full House
34. Fuller House [Everywhere You Look - Carly Rae Jepsen]
35. Futurama
36. Gidget [Johnny Tillotson - (Wait 'Til You See) My Gidget]
37. The Greatest American Hero
38. Disney's Gummi Bears
39. Gunsmoke
40. Happy Days [alternate lyrics]
41. Have Gun Will Travel
42. Hawaii Five-0
You can watch a documentary on the creation here!
43. The Hogan Family [Roberta Flack - Together Through The Years]
44. Hogan's Heroes
45. I Dream of Jeannie
46. I Love Lucy
47. Joannie Loves Chachi
48. Kim Possible
49. Leave It To Beaver (The Toy Parade)
50. The Love Boat
51. Looney Tunes ["The Merry-Go-Round Broke Down"]
52. Mad About You ["Final Frontier"]
53. Makin' It
54. Malcolm in the Middle
55. The Man from U.N.C.L.E. [I need a source!]
http://markssuperblog.blogspot.com/2012/04/man-from-uncle-theme-has-lyrics.html
56. Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman
57. The Mary Tyler Moore Show


• First Season
• Second Season
• Joan Jett version, all three stanzas, third stanza rewritten
58. M*A*S*H
59. Maude
60. Merrie Melodies [Merrily We Roll Along [I need a source!]
https://www.discogs.com/Bugs-Bunny-With-Mitch-Miller-His-Orchestra-Merrily-We-Roll-Along-I-Taut-I-Taw-A-Puddy-Tat/release/2834101
LT116: Billboard Frolics by dannyjmurray1 The first appearance in a Warner Brothers cartoon. Are these the original lyrics?
61. Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Cat Noir
62. Mr. Belvedere
63. The Monkees
64. Moonlighting
65. Mork & Mindy [I need a source!]
66. The Munsters
67. My Favorite Martian [Are the words legit? Or added later?]
68. My Living Doll [colorized, legitimate lyrics?]
69. The Odd Couple
\
70. One Foot in the Grave
71. One Saturday Morning
72. Pee-wee's Playhouse
73. Perfect Strangers
74. Petticoat Junction
75. Phineas and Ferb ["Today Is Gonna Be a Great Day"]
76. Popeye
77. Punky Brewster ["Every Time I Turn Around"]
78. Rawhide
79. Red Dwarf
80. Silver Spoons ["Together"]
81. Square Pegs
82. Star Trek
83. Stephen Universe
84. TaleSpin
85. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
• Original theme (1987-1996)
86. To Tell The Truth
87. Welcome Back Kotter
88. Who's The Boss? ["Brand New Life"]
89. WKRP in Cincinnati
90. Wonder Woman

---

How I Maintain My Boyish Good Looks

---

1) A magical Polaroid photo is kept in a safe deposit box somewhere in the State of Iowa.

2) I slumber in a giant Tupperware container each night.

3) I use a special facial creme made of baby oil. (To answer your question: it takes four to make one ounce of oil.)

4) I found this cool meteorite/jewel on my grandfather's farm. I noticed something strange when the cows who licked it didn't age...

5) You know that Lazarus Pit? I have something similar, but it's a hot tub in the mountains, and requires a full moon, a meteor shower, a willing partner, and a bottle of champagne. (The champagne is optional.)

6) I have a twin who travels reallly slowllllly through space in a Schrödinger box. I don't know if he's alive or dead, and he doesn't know if I'm alive or dead.

7) It's quite simple... you just need a particle accelerator, rubber bands, and a liquid lunch.

8) I have this ring... it's really cool, but I can only wear it once a year, for only a few minutes.

9) I once spent the night with a Japanese mermaid. I solved the Mermaid Problem for her, and she was quite grateful. (Ever since, I've had this thing for pickled ginger and sushi...)

10) There's this ritual involving the Konami Code...

11) I've mastered every cell of my body. As each cell stops dividing, it's replaced with a cancer cell, kept under strict control.

12) My soul jar is currently a plastic bag floating in the Great Pacific Garbage Patch. Eventually, it will be reduced to plastic dust particles which will be dispersed by ocean currents, making it very impervious to total destruction.

13) One word: "responsometer".

The exploded view of the blivet, which holds the Fischer–Griess compensator. 

14) I keep myself perpetually youthful by drinking the crushed spirits of frustrated gamers.

15) It's quite easy...just find a menstruating dragon.

---

#ForgottenTVLyrics: The Master List

---

The list (so far):

1. The A*Team [full theme]
2. Absolutely Fabulous
3. Alfred Hitchcock Presents [Charles Gounod - Funeral March of a Marionette]
4. Alice ["There's a New Girl in Town"]
5. All in the Family
• Full lyrics
• A satirical version, aimed at the FCC!
• All In The Family [closing theme]
All In The Family [closing theme with lyrics!]
6. American Bandstand
7. The Andy Griffith Show
8. Angie ["Different Worlds"]
9. Banacek
10. Batman
11. Baretta (Keep Your Eye on the Sparrow)
12. Barnaby Jones
13. Barney Miller
14. Baywatch
• Original theme ["Save Me" - Peter Cetera]
• Syndication ["I'm Always Here"- Jimi Jamison]
Baywatch Hawaii "Let Me Be the One" written and performed by Carlos Villalobos, Glenn Medeiros and sung by Fiji.
• Baywatch Nights [Alfonzo Blackwell - The Nights Will Never Be the Same]
15. Beverly Hillbillies [The full music has a third stanza about Drysdale]
16. Beverly Hills 90210
17. Bewitched
18. The Big Bang Theory
19. The Bill Cosby Show ["Hikky Burr"]
20. Bonanza
21. Breaking Bad
22. Buck Rogers in the 25th Century
23. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
24. Candid Camera (UK)
The Carol Burnett Show Celebrity Sweepstakes
25. Charlie's Angels
26. Charmed [Love Spit Love - "How Soon is Now"]
27. Checkmate
28. Cheers
• My Kind of People
• Another Day
• original demo
• Final Version
• Prost, Helmut! [The German version]
• Cheers (Versión española)


29. Chico and the Man
30. Chip 'n Dale: Rescue Rangers
31. CHiPS [theme only, but a rockin' 12" version]
32. Combat!
Community
33. The Cosby Show [Seven different versions]
34. Dallas
35. The Dating Game
36. Davy Crockett
37. The Days and Nights of Molly Dodd [full theme?]
38. DC Superhero Girls
39. Deadwood
The Diamond Head Game
40. The Dick Van Dyke Show
41. Diff'rent Strokes
42. Dr. Kildare
43. Downton Abbey
44. Duck Tales
45. Duck Tales (2017)
46. The Dukes of Hazzard
47. Dynasty
48. Ellen [Texas - So Called Friend]
49. The Facts of Life
50. The Fall Guy
51. Family Feud
52. Family Guy
53. Family Matters ["As days go by" - Jesse Frederick
54. Family Ties ["Without Us"]
55. Fawlty Towers
56. Felicity
57. Fireball XL5
58. Flo
59. Forsyte Saga [Eric Coates - The Three Elizabeths Suite - Halcyon Days]
60. Frasier ["Tossed Salads and Scrambled Eggs"]
61. Friends [The Rembrandts - I'll Be There For You ]
62. The Fugitive
63. Full House
64. Fuller House [Everywhere You Look - Carly Rae Jepsen]
65. Funny Face / The Sandy Duncan Show [Need a source!]
https://www.discogs.com/Jack-Jones-The-Kind-Of-Girl-She-Is/release/6913129
66. Futurama
67. Gidget [Johnny Tillotson - (Wait 'Til You See) My Gidget]
68. Gilmore Girls [Carole King - "Where You Lead"]
69. Good Times  https://www.discogs.com/Prime-Time-Good-Times-Theme/release/2156410 4:14 version ####
70. The Golden Girls
71. The Greatest American Hero
72. Disney's Gummi Bears
73. Gunsmoke
74. Happy Days [alternate lyrics]
Hart to Hart
75. Have Gun Will Travel
76. Hawaii Five-0
77. HBO 1983 Intro
You can watch a documentary on the creation here!
78. Here Come the Brides ["Seattle" by Bobby Sherman]
79. Hill Street Blues
80. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy [The Eagles - Journey of the Sorcerer]
81. The Hogan Family [Roberta Flack - Together Through The Years]
82. Hogan's Heroes
83. The Honeymooners ["You're My Greatest Love"]
84. Hotel
85. House


• "Teardrop" by Massive Attack (U.S.)
• "House" by Scott Donaldson and Richard Nolan (Europe)
• "House, M.D. Main Theme" by Jon Ehrlich and Leigh Roberts (Singapore and Netflix) ####
86. Howdy Doody
87. I Dream of Jeannie
88. I Love Lucy
89. I Spy
90. The Incredible Hulk: The Lonely Man Theme
91. Ironsides
92. It Takes A Thief
93. Jeopardy!


• 1964-1975 "Take Ten" by Julann Griffin ####
• 1984-1991
• 1991-1997
• 1997-2001
• 2001-2008
• 2008-Present
94. Joannie Loves Chachi
95. The Joker's Wild
96. Kim Possible
97. Knot's Landing ###
98. Kojak (Second theme)
99. Kojak (First theme)
100. Kojak (Third theme-Fifth Season)
101. L. A. Law
102. Land of the Giants
103. Laugh-In
104. Laverne & Shirley (Making Our Dreams Come True)
105. Law and Order
106. The Lawrence Welk Show
107. Leave It To Beaver (The Toy Parade)
108. Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous
http://www.classicthemes.com/50sTVThemes/themePages/lifestylesRichFamous.html
109. Living Dolls [Who's The Boss spin-off]
110. The Love Boat
111. Looney Tunes ["The Merry-Go-Round Broke Down"]
112. Lost In Space
113. M Squad [Count Bassie!]
114. Mad About You ["Final Frontier"]
115. Mad Men
116. The Magician
117. Magnum, P.I.
118. Makin' It
119. Malcolm in the Middle
120. The Man from U.N.C.L.E. [I need a source!]
http://markssuperblog.blogspot.com/2012/04/man-from-uncle-theme-has-lyrics.html
121. Mannix
122. Marcus Welby, M.D.
123. Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman
124. The Mary Tyler Moore Show


• First Season
• Second Season
• Joan Jett version, all three stanzas, third stanza rewritten



125. M*A*S*H
126. Masterpiece Theater [Rondeau from Sinfonies de Fanfares - Suite de Symphonies - Jean-Joseph Mouret]
127. Maude
128. Merrie Melodies [Merrily We Roll Along [I need a source!]
https://www.discogs.com/Bugs-Bunny-With-Mitch-Miller-His-Orchestra-Merrily-We-Roll-Along-I-Taut-I-Taw-A-Puddy-Tat/release/2834101
LT116: Billboard Frolics by dannyjmurray1 The first appearance in a Warner Brothers cartoon. Are these the original lyrics?
129. Miami Vice
130. Millennium
131. Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Cat Noir
132. Mission: Impossible
133. Mr. Belvedere
134. Mister Lucky
135. The Mod Squad [cover]
136. The Monkees
137. Moonlighting
138. The Munsters
139. My Favorite Martian [Are the words legit? Or added later?]
140. My Living Doll [colorized, legitimate lyrics?]
141. The Naked City


• "This is the Naked City" by George Duning (1958-59)
• "Somewhere in the Night" by Billy May (1960-62)
• "The {New} Naked City Theme" by Nelson Riddle (1962-63)
142. Name of the Game
143. NBC Mystery Movie
144. NBC Nightly News [John Williams - "The Mission"]
145. NCIS
146. Newhart###
147. Newlywed Game
148. Night Court
149. Now You See It ["Chump Change" by Quincy Jones]
150. NYPD Blue
151. The Odd Couple
\
152. One Foot in the Grave
153. One Life To Live [1984-1991, Peabo Bryson]
154. One Life to Live ["Brand New Start"]
155. One Saturday Morning
156. Once and Again
157. Pee-wee's Playhouse
158. Peter Gunn 


• Original theme
• ["Bye-Bye", lyrics added later]
159. Perfect Strangers
160. Petticoat Junction
161. Phineas and Ferb ["Today Is Gonna Be a Great Day"]
162. Playboy After Dark ["Playboy's Theme"]
163. Popeye
164. Punky Brewster ["Every Time I Turn Around"]
165. Rawhide
166. Red Dwarf
167. Remington Steele
168. The Ren & Stimpy Show
169. Renegade
170. Richie Brockelman, Private Eye
171. Riptide
172. The Rockford Files
173. Roseanne
174. Route 66


• original theme
• Lyrics added later


175. St. Elsewhere
176. Sanford & Son ["The Streetbeater"]
177. Saturday Night Live - Closing Theme (A Waltz in A)
178. Seinfeld
179. Sesamstrasse [German]
     • Opening
     • Closing [One of my fave beats! Those horns!]
180. Sesame Street


• Opening
• Closing
• ...and the "funky chimes"!


181. Silk Stalkings
182. Silver Spoons ["Together"]
183. Simon & Simon
184. Six Million Dollar Man ["Wine Women and War"]
185. Smallville [Remy Zero - Save Me]
186. Soap
187. The Sopranos [Alabama 3 - Woke Up This Morning (Chosen One)]
188. Space 1999
189. Square Pegs
190. Star Trek
191. Star Trek: The Next Generation [originally from "Star Trek: The Motion Picture"]
192. Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
193. Star Trek: Voyager
194. Star Trek: Enterprise
195. The Streets of San Francisco
196. Stephen Universe
197. S.W.A.T.
198. TaleSpin
199. Taxi ["Angela"]
200. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
• Original theme (1987-1996)
• 2003-2009
• 2012-present
201. Texas Wheelers [John Prine - Illegal Smile]
202. That 70s Show [Big Star - In the Street 1972]
203. thirtysomething
204. Tic Tac Dough
205. The Time Tunnel
206. To Tell The Truth
207. The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson


• Toot Sweet
• It's Really Love
• Johnny's Theme
208. 21 Jump Street
209. Vega$
210. The Waltons
211. Welcome Back Kotter
212. What's Happening!!
213. Wheel of Fortune Theme 1975-1983
214. White Shadow
215. Who's The Boss? ["Brand New Life"]
216. Wild Wild West
217. The Wizard of Odds
218. WKRP in Cincinnati
219. Wonder Woman
220. X-Files
221. "The Young and the Restless" (Nadia's Theme)

-----------------------------------------------------------

Future reference

• 
  
• 
  
• The Untouchables [theme only]
• 
  
• 
  
• The Rogues [by Nelson Riddle]
• 
  
• 
  
• Tic Tac Dough (1990 version)
• 
  
• Ripley's Believe It or Not [by Henry Mancini]
• Game Shows!  https://www.discogs.com/Various-Classic-TV-Game-Show-Themes/release/487454
• https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pete_Rugolo#Film_and_TV_Scores
• https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bill_Conti#Other_film_and_television_credits
• https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jerrold_Immel
• https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dick_DeBenedictis
• https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mike_Post
• https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_Conlan
• John Williams (NBC News, Olympics, Amazing Stories)
• https://www.discogs.com/Prime-Time-Good-Times-Theme/release/624111 disco versions of Good Times and Soul Train?
• https://www.discogs.com/Prime-Time-Motown-Presents-Prime-Time-Performing-TV-Themes-The-Way-You-Like-To-Hear-Them/release/1677555
• 
  
• John Williams
• NBC Sunday Night Football^[5]
• Amazing Stories
• Checkmate (TV series)
• Land of the Giants
• Lost in Space
• The Time Tunnel
• The Tammy Grimes Show^[6]
• The theme for Great Performances

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Primetime_Emmy_Award_for_Outstanding_Main_Title_Theme_Music

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Top-rated_United_States_television_programs_by_season

• https://www.discogs.com/Chuck-Barris-Themes-From-TV-Game-Shows/release/493124
• https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wagon_Train#Theme_music

1.