My Brain Does Not Wander...

My brain does not wander… it trespasses.

On the subway, one hears, “If you have been the victim of unwanted sexual contact, please notify a police officer or MTA employee.”

So I got to thinking, what is lawful sexual contact? Can you do it on the subway? Should I ask those sitting next to me before I engage in lawful sexual contact? Is it okay if I take pictures of others engaged in lawful sexual contact? Is it unlawful if they ask for money? Or play music?

I Don't Think So

I left the house at 5:15 AM to catch a 7 AM bus to Boston. As I turned the corner onto the local Main Street, a car pulls up along side me and yells, "Taxi! Taxi!"

Now this is a common occurance in my neighborhood, especially around the subway station. I was taking the train to the bus, so I replied, "Subway. Subway".

The taxi driver repeated his call of "Taxi! Taxi!", so I replied, "Two dollar taxi!" (Yeah, it's now $2.50, but it doesn't roll off the tongue as nicely.)

So the taxi drives on as I continue walking to the local deli for breakfast. That's when I get a good look at the taxi.

It's a red minivan with residential plates. Not a sedan, not a van, a MINIVAN.

So, Strike One: you aren't licensed by the Taxi and Limousine Commission, and you're probably not paying any taxes or fees as a taxi driver.

Strike Two: You want me to get into a strange car driven by a strange man at 5:30 in the morning? Folks... there's a lot of stuff I never learned in school, or forgot because of the cheerleader sitting in the desk next to mine, but I do remember this: NEVER EVER GET IN A STRANGE CAR WITH SOMEONE YOU DO NOT KNOW. Not if they offer you candy, or say there's an emergency, not even if they are sweeter and curvier than a chocolate Easter bunny.

And Strike Three: You want me to get in an unlicensed cab, at 5 AM, in New York City, driven by some strange guy who probably isn't wearing his safety belt, AND you want me to pay for it?

I don't think so.